Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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