I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
