she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
not ubering you a puppy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
