is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
