i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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