i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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