We won't sleep together?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
