Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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