how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
