If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
