We got so high we made milksteak
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
