My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
