Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
