She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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