You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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