i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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