I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
