If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
