I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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