I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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