Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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