the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
