the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
