Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
