im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
