i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
