miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
