Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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