I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
