TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize