He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
