how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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