I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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