I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
