new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
