i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The struggles of a small town man whore
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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