Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
