he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
