He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize