Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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