I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
