This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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