i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
