I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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