she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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