Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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