She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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