Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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