I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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