it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
