when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
