Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
