dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
