its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
