so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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