No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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