1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
