So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize