So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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