I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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