I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize