I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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