Moan for me like Helen Keller
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He passed out mid-signature
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
